Breaking the Cycle: From Trauma to Triumph

One of the most powerful realizations I've had in my journey is understanding that trauma doesn't have to be a life sentence. It doesn't have to define the rest of your story, and most importantly, it doesn't have to be passed down to the next generation.

But breaking cycles takes more than just wanting things to be different. It takes intentional work, honest reflection, and the courage to face the truth about our own wounds.

Recognizing the Patterns

The first step in breaking any cycle is recognizing it exists. In my family, I could trace patterns of violence, abandonment, and pain that went back generations. The streets of D.C. in the 1980s didn't create these patterns – they just provided the perfect environment for them to flourish.

I had to honestly look at the ways trauma had shaped me. The quick temper inherited from generations of men who believed might made right. The walls I built to protect myself that also kept love out. The assumption that everyone would eventually leave, so why invest deeply in relationship?

The Power of Choice

Here's what changed everything for me: realizing that while I couldn't control what happened to me, I could control what I did with it. I could choose to let my pain make me bitter, or I could let it make me better. I could choose to repeat the patterns, or I could choose to break them.

This choice isn't made once – it's made daily, sometimes moment by moment. It's choosing to respond instead of react. It's choosing to communicate instead of shut down. It's choosing to see my children as individuals with their own stories, not as extensions of my unhealed wounds.

Healing in Community

One thing I learned is that you can't break cycles alone. Healing happens in relationship – with God, with trusted friends, with mentors who've walked the path before you.

For me, finding my calling in ministry wasn't just about serving others. It was about continuing my own healing process. Every young person I mentor, every family I counsel, every story I hear – they all contribute to my ongoing transformation.

We heal together, and we break cycles together.

Creating New Legacies

The most beautiful part of breaking cycles isn't just stopping the pain – it's starting something new. It's creating legacies of love, hope, resilience, and faith that your children and their children can build upon.

When my kids look back on their childhood, I want them to remember a father who was present, who listened, who showed them what it looks like to handle conflict with grace. I want them to know they're loved unconditionally, not for what they achieve but for who they are.

That's how cycles break – one generation deciding to love differently, forgive faster, and believe bigger than the generation before.

Your story can be the turning point. Your healing can be the foundation for something beautiful to grow. The cycle can end with you.