The Power of Forgiveness in Healing

For years, I thought forgiveness was weakness. Growing up on the streets of D.C., forgiveness could get you hurt, could make you look soft, could be seen as an invitation for more pain. The world I knew operated on different principles: respect through strength, retaliation for wrongs, settling scores.

But what I discovered in my journey toward healing is that forgiveness isn't weakness – it's the greatest strength we can possess. It's not about letting people off the hook; it's about getting the hook out of our own hearts.

The Weight of Unforgiveness

I carried anger for years like a badge of honor. Anger at the circumstances of my birth. Anger at losing my mother so young. Anger at a system that failed kids like me. Anger at friends who betrayed trust. Anger at leaders who let me down.

That anger felt righteous. It felt justified. And in many ways, it was. But what I didn't realize was how much energy it took to carry it, how much space it took up in my heart, how much it affected every relationship I tried to build.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It hurts us far more than it hurts them. It keeps us chained to our past, unable to fully step into our future.

Learning to Forgive Others

The first step in my forgiveness journey was understanding what forgiveness actually means. It doesn't mean what happened was okay. It doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences. It doesn't mean you have to trust that person again or put yourself in harm's way.

Forgiveness means releasing the right to revenge. It means choosing to let God handle the justice while you handle the healing. It means deciding that your peace is more important than their punishment.

I had to forgive my father for not being the man I needed him to be. I had to forgive military leaders who made decisions that put politics over people. I had to forgive friends who chose loyalty to themselves over loyalty to our brotherhood.

Each act of forgiveness was like removing a brick from a wall I'd built around my heart. The more I forgave, the more room there was for love, joy, and peace to enter.

The Hardest Person to Forgive

But the hardest person to forgive wasn't any of them. It was myself.

I had to forgive myself for the mistakes I made as a young man who didn't know better. For the times I chose violence when I could have chosen peace. For the relationships I damaged because I didn't know how to process my own pain. For not being the father I wanted to be in my children's early years.

Self-forgiveness required me to understand the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says "I did something bad." Shame says "I am bad." Guilt can motivate change; shame only destroys.

I had to learn to offer myself the same grace I was learning to extend to others. To see my past mistakes as lessons rather than life sentences. To understand that healing means integration, not perfection.

Forgiveness as Ministry

What transformed my understanding of forgiveness completely was realizing it's not just personal – it's ministerial. When I forgive, I participate in the same work God does. I become a conduit of grace in a world that's starving for it.

Now, when I work with young people who are carrying anger and hurt, I can speak about forgiveness from experience, not theory. I can tell them I know how heavy that burden is because I carried it too. I can show them there's another way.

Every time I choose forgiveness over revenge, peace over retaliation, I'm modeling a different way of being in the world. I'm showing that it's possible to break cycles of hurt and create new patterns of healing.

The Ongoing Journey

Forgiveness isn't a one-time event – it's an ongoing practice. Some wounds need to be forgiven multiple times. Some people need to be forgiven over and over again. Some days, self-forgiveness has to be renewed like a daily medication.

But each time I choose forgiveness, it gets a little easier. Each time I release someone from the debt I think they owe me, I get a little freer. Each time I extend grace instead of judgment, I create a little more space for love to grow.

The Fruit of Forgiveness

Today, forgiveness has become one of my greatest tools for healing – both my own and others'. It's allowed me to have healthy relationships. It's enabled me to be fully present with my children instead of being haunted by past hurt. It's given me the freedom to step into my calling without being weighed down by baggage.

When someone hurts you, you have a choice. You can let that hurt define you, or you can let it refine you. You can let it make you bitter, or you can let it make you better. Forgiveness is the bridge that takes you from one to the other.

If you're carrying hurt today, if you're weighed down by anger or resentment, I want you to know: forgiveness is possible. It doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're ready to be free.

Your healing journey starts with a single decision: to choose forgiveness over revenge, grace over grudges, love over hate.

That choice will change everything.